03 December 2005
Tyranny
11 steps to ruling the playground or office!
Have you ever wanted to rule your work / play area? Bossing other people around right up your street? Fancy being a dictator? Well here is a simple step-by-step tutorial on how to do so! Without further-a-do, go get a pen and paper and copy down this simple guide!
(Please note, BOBBED.NET does not condone ANY form of violence. This spoof is intended as a JOKE only and MUST NOT be followed by ANYONE... Ever!)
1) Firstly, you will need to carry out an attack on an important person, like the leader of the ruling gang.
2) Blame the attack on a 'minority outgroup.' For example, in the case of the BBC, you would blame it on the Bruce Forsyth Fan Club.
3) Use propaganda / leaflets to discriminate against the chosen outgroup, and raise support for your ingroup.
4) Jump forward a bit and now you can overthrow those currently in power by throwing mud at them in the case of a playground mutiny, or if you are in the office environment, using important documents and photocopiers would work just as well.
5) Create ideology of power, i.e. make people believe you are more powerful than them. Easier said than done, but what the hey. Who's gunna do all this anyway?!
6) Drive outgroup to other side of office / playground. Meet any resistance with further mud / photocopier slinging.
7) Cut off communication and supplies to outgroup and authority figures around, so as to prevent any news of what is happening getting out, thus stopping the process of takeover.
8) Create a cult. Not necessary, but it would be cool.
9) If you aim to take it further, for example, the world, then you ought to begin research into superhumans and chimp huminisation, therefore creating a super army.
10) Send chimps into battle against outgroup.
11) Basically, now all you need to do is keep it up by creating ideologies of power, hate and worship. This then means the opposition finds it impossible to return to power.
So, there you have it. Your very own guide to taking over the world... Nice 'n' Easy style! Get to it comrade!
Update: Oh my Sweet-Be-Jeebus... Stalin got there first!
(Please note, BOBBED.NET does not condone ANY form of violence. This spoof is intended as a JOKE only and MUST NOT be followed by ANYONE... Ever!)
1) Firstly, you will need to carry out an attack on an important person, like the leader of the ruling gang.
2) Blame the attack on a 'minority outgroup.' For example, in the case of the BBC, you would blame it on the Bruce Forsyth Fan Club.
3) Use propaganda / leaflets to discriminate against the chosen outgroup, and raise support for your ingroup.
4) Jump forward a bit and now you can overthrow those currently in power by throwing mud at them in the case of a playground mutiny, or if you are in the office environment, using important documents and photocopiers would work just as well.
5) Create ideology of power, i.e. make people believe you are more powerful than them. Easier said than done, but what the hey. Who's gunna do all this anyway?!
6) Drive outgroup to other side of office / playground. Meet any resistance with further mud / photocopier slinging.
7) Cut off communication and supplies to outgroup and authority figures around, so as to prevent any news of what is happening getting out, thus stopping the process of takeover.
8) Create a cult. Not necessary, but it would be cool.
9) If you aim to take it further, for example, the world, then you ought to begin research into superhumans and chimp huminisation, therefore creating a super army.
10) Send chimps into battle against outgroup.
11) Basically, now all you need to do is keep it up by creating ideologies of power, hate and worship. This then means the opposition finds it impossible to return to power.
So, there you have it. Your very own guide to taking over the world... Nice 'n' Easy style! Get to it comrade!
Update: Oh my Sweet-Be-Jeebus... Stalin got there first!
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